What comes next?

Since as far back as I can remember, I have always been terrified of what comes next. In elementary school, middle school seemed terrifying. In middle school, high school seemed like the scariest place in the world. In high school, college seemed absolutely horrifying. And now, what comes after college seems like it could quite possibly be the worst of all. Of course, none of these things ended up being especially bad, but now that school is officially coming to a close, reality has set in. And sometimes, reality can be scary.

In five short months, I will officially be a college graduate. I will be out in the world ready to fend for myself. It’s weird to think about because I don’t feel as though I’m prepared at all. The question I get asked at all the family parties and events is “what are you going to do after college?” And the answer I always give is “I don’t know.” I really don’t. It’s kind of a difficult choice to make one day. “Oh, I think I want to do this forever.” That’s easier said than done.

After reading through last semester’s blog, I was relieved to know that many people were in the same boat I’m currently in. There were a number of entries where students simply expressed that they weren’t sure what they wanted to do. They knew they liked writing and were avid watchers of television, but becoming the next Donald Bellisario isn’t exactly a simple feat. One student last semester wrote about how unsure they were about their future and they concluded their entry with “when I grow up, I want to be open to possibilities.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

The truth is, yes, I may be good at writing, but I’m not great at writing. I’m a mediocre student with mediocre grades. I could have done better, but I’ve always skated by on the bare minimum. I never put in the extra effort to anything. I can’t recall the last time I did an assignment ahead of time and I don’t think I studied for a single test. I’ve done okay, but okay isn’t going to cut it anymore. Mediocrity is not something you write on a resume. Mediocrity is not something potential employers are searching for.

I have no idea what the future will bring. I’ve always hated change, and this is no exception. But I can’t change what’s been done. After these next five months inevitably fly by, I will enter the real world like many others, and hope for the best. Maybe I’ll succeed with flying colors, or maybe I’ll crash and burn. Time will tell.