It’s scary, it’s serious, it’s soon... it’s graduation

With graduation looming, the “real world” is just within my grasp. And no, I don’t mean the MTV television show. College graduation is what I’ve been dreaming of since I realized it would be the absolute end of my school career. (Not true for those who choose to go on to grad school.) Think about it. What teenager doesn’t run out of school when the final bell rings every day (especially Fridays)? What young person doesn’t wish graduation (middle school, high school, college, etc.) was the day after tomorrow? So, when I find myself getting scared you-know-what-less of graduation, I often take a moment or two to question myself. “Are you serious? This is what you’ve wanted for so long!” And while that’s true, it doesn’t change my level of fear.

Everything in my life will change come May 2011. Since I was 6-years-old I’ve been in school. It’s all I’ve ever really known. Almost every day for the past 15 years has been planned out for me - apart from summers and weekends, but sometimes even then.

Before college, school always began at a set time, lunch always happened at a set time, school ended at a set time and then I’d wake up the next day and do it all again. Then once college began there was a huge change: I could pick what time I wanted my classes to be. Even that was difficult for me. I started to miss having people pick my classes for me and I got annoyed with having to make my own schedule.

What’s going to happen to me once that’s all over? I find myself asking this question on a semi-daily basis. And don’t even get me started about the impossible task of trying to find a professional job having to do with my degree - as in something other than retail.

And then there’s the fact that I’ve lived in on-campus housing every year of college. While it’s been probably been the best part of college because of how independent it has made me, it’s also coming to an end in May. I dread the idea of moving back home in May. It scares me quite frankly. How dramatically will my life change when I live with my parents again? Very. What will this do to my independence? Kill it. How will this affect my mental health? Badly.

Up until I was 18, home was my cocoon of safety. Then college became my newest and favorite cocoon. The thought of leaving my current cocoon to retreat to my old one frightens me. It’s like changing out of a wet pair of socks into nice, warm, dry ones, only to have to return to the wet ones minutes later due to some unfortunate circumstance. Home is my pair of wet socks - uncomfortable, slightly unbearable, but if it’s all I have, it’s what I have to deal with. I just would prefer not to.

In essence, graduation, which is an alarmingly short seven months away, symbolizes the end of an era in my life - an era that I’ll probably miss within a month or two of its end. Granted, I’ll love the nonexistent homework, the nonexistent anger-inducing professors, the home-cooked meals. But what I won’t love so much are the constant reality checks from family members, the million job interviews, the probable distant relationships from what are now best friends of mine. The latter group outweighs the former in my case and that scares me, and will continue scaring me for the next year or so. Hopefully I won’t scare myself into failing classes on purpose just to stay in college a little longer. Hmm, I may be onto something there...