Men play sports and want women to sit on the sidelines. Though it can be argued that this is not true, and that men see women on an equal playing field, most of the evidence points to support this statement.
I am not a jock girl and I am not a sports fan, but I do play sports on occasion. Across the board, in a school, social, or church setting, women have to prove their sports ability at least twice as any man on the playing field before men will notice and pass to her. How do I know? I have been that girl.
If this was something that only happened in sports, and in the rest of the world women were recognized as having skills as men would recognize in other men, this would be an anomaly that would stick out like a sore thumb in society. The truth is that women are still not treated with the same respect one automatically gives to a man.
I acknowledge that this is a blanket statement and there are exceptions, but I would argue that most people do not even realize they are trusting and respecting men on less information than they would a woman.
To return to the sports metaphor, a man (and often a woman as well) does not always realize he is choosing to pass to a man over a woman. He will give a surface glance and pass to the most open male. It is not as though he purposefully does not pass to a female who is open, but rather that he does not even see her standing there, waving her arms up and down, and calling his name loudly.
It is similar in life: men are often picked for being natural leaders, assigned harder tasks, challenged and encouraged more. It is not as though anyone is insulting women publicly and painfully. The work is rather silent, as it starts when women are less listened to and sometimes spoken over by men. They are assigned tasks that they can “handle” and are kept safe so as not to upset their fragile emotional state. It is all done for the good of women, but it is really quite oppressive. It is no wonder women struggle so much with self-esteem.
So then I implore the gentlemen to give a woman your attention when she speaks not because she is a woman but because she is a fellow human being. I implore both women and men to be aware of how they are thinking about and treating a fellow human being, and ask if the decisions you make about who you want to be in charge and who you will trust are based solely on knowledge of the person’s character or in part on their gender.
You make plenty of good points. Unfortunately you're right, women are still viewed as inferior to men both in the office and on various playing fields. Actually, I've watched lots of intramural sports, and even though women are often required to be on the co-ed teams, guys just won't pass to them. The saddest thing I saw during one of those competitions was when the girls just gave up after being ignored. They just stood around talking while the men threw dodgeballs at each other.
ReplyDeleteIf I may speak in broad stereotypes, men engage in competition to win. Women engage in competition to be social. These two conflicting goals explain the behavior you describe above.
ReplyDeleteTo continue your dodge ball metaphor, men learn at an early age that slamming the ball at a girl as hard as they can, as hard as they would at a boy will cause a loss. Rarely the girl will catch it. Usually they will drop it. Occasionally it will hit them, causing them to cry and halting the game, as all the other players extend them social sympathy. And yes, occasionally a boy will get hit and start crying, but they are socialized to run away and the game continues without them.
Boys are socialized that causing girls to cry is bad. Boys also learn an important lesson: equality is for losers. A team with no girls is better than a co-ed team. If you have girls on your team, you must give them soft tosses. If you want to through the ball hard, don't throw it at a girl.
Turning from sports into the wider world, a similar effect is in place. There are many women who, through affirmative action, have been placed in positions for which they are underqualified. When they demonstrate their incompetence, they are not fired, but instead carried along by their co-workers. In a similar situation, a man would be demoted or laid off. So, women must prove themselves capable two or three times before the men around them are comfortable that they will pull their own weight.
@Anonymous: I understand what you're trying to say and I can see why you'd think that. Seriously though, try telling a woman kick-boxer that "men engage in competition to win [and] women engage in competition to be social." You'll get your butt handed to you.
ReplyDeleteYoung Grasshopper wrote, "I am not a jock girl... but I do play sports on occasion." So her ethos is specifically *not* that of a woman kick-boxer. Instead, she positioned herself as someone who plays for the exercise and social aspects, and I responded on that basis.
ReplyDeleteThe most competitive athletes I know are on the women crew teams that compete at the Charles Regatta.
@Anonymous: Sorry, I didn't catch that you were specifically addressing Young Grasshopper's situation with regards to her ethos. I'll admit I sort of skimmed over your post when I first read it, but to me it sounded sexist. Regardless of what you meant, I think it's important to note that stereotypes are generally inaccurate and can be offensive. Your claim that "guys are competitive and girls socialize" is both. My good friend and lifting partner in high school, a girl, was one of the most competitive people I ever met.
ReplyDeletejeep_fan, I agree that broad stereotypes can be offensive. I do not agree that all broad stereotypes are generally inaccurate, and in particular feel that the one I stated is accurate. You can bring up as many individual examples of strong competitive women as you want, and each time, my response will be that bringing up people you know, whether they be crew jocks or kick-boxers or weightlifters, does not impeach my claim.
ReplyDeleteI also agree that my broad stereotype sounds sexist. In fact, I think it is by definition sexist, because it is making a claim about gender differences. Let's try another broad stereotype: "Most women do not have as much upper-body strength as men." This is accurate, is considered offensive by some feminists, is sexist, and cannot be impeached by anecdotal evidence.
Well, there are obviously anatomical differences between men and women, you could use science to back up that last statement. But while I can't convince you your first claim was wrong, I still don't think you can prove to me that all women would rather socialize than be competitive. It would seem we have reached an impasse.
ReplyDelete